absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
