i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
