...so i touched it.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
