DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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