So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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