Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
