Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
