After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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