whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
