Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
