I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
