That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
