If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
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