I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
