Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
