I cockslap morals
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
