I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize