If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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