so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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