Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
