What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
BRING THE BAGELS
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
