So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize