I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
