you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
