Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
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