so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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