Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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