I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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