Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
