Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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