I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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