im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
