I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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