I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
