Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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