All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
this boner is exhausting
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
how drunk are you?
Several
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize