chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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