God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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