saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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