have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
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