I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
