she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
