i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
