I cannot find my penis.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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