Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Randomize
