Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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