I like to think it a success when the cops are called
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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