i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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