Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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