So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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