Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
