There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
