i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize