just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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