i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
