Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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