you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
