my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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