I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
