I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
