Sry I called you an 8
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
