Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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