remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
