my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
