Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
