i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
