i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
my vag is so smooth its legendary
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
