How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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