i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
